You too can be an artist if you follow the following guidelines.
Good luck and happy art making.
you need a studio. All artists must have a studio.
Make sure your studio is in a state of chaos like Francis bacons.
you need a easel. (only if you are going to paint)
you need a café to hang out in, to drink strong black coffee and smoke cheap cigarettes.
You need some form of facial hair or stubble for the correct look.
You need to get rid of your brightly coloured clothes and just wear black, all artists wear black.
You need to make sure that these clothes are from a charity shop and are tread bare and covered with paint.
You must go to as many private views at galleries as possible and drink as much free booze as possible, not forgetting to look at the artwork and talking to people to network.
You must make sure you own a pair of sunglasses for those bad days with a hangover or just when you want to look cool.
For male artists make sure you have the cool earring in one ear.
Make sure you document all the artwork you make in which to show gallery owners and potential buyers.
Don’t worry about having an original idea there are plenty that you can appropriate.
Start reading lots of art books any one will do.
Don’t forget to always carry a sketch book with you at all times to sketch those important things down.
You will also need the all important artists beret.
Keep a sketchbook / note book next to the bed in case of those four o’clock in the morning ideas.
Watch all art programmes on television, no matter how dull and childish.
Don’t forget to watch the turner prize on channel four every year, (it can be very funny).
For painting make sure you have a palette to mix up all your colours on.
Make sure you hang out in art shops to check out art materials.
Make sure you have a very good chin stroking technique when looking at art.
Make sure you always have a sharp pencil ready.
Make sure that your shoes are black and covered in paint.
You will also need a beaten up small car or push bike to get from home to the studio or the pub.
Art education can be important, but don’t forget Francis bacon who never went to art college.
Some weeks spend more money on your art materials than food so you suffer for art.
Enter as many art competitons as possible.
Make sure that you get some of you artwork on the walls of the café that you go to.
Try and meet other artists sometimes this can be good and bad for discussing ideas, sometimes over a few bottles of whisky.
Make sure that you have some part time job to keep the money coming in, such as wimpy or McDonalds.
Never give up and work hard.
Be very cautious of gallery owners they can rip you off.
Make sure if you are going to paint nudes you will need a model (a naked one will do).
Don’t forget that making art is about art and not money other wise you would be stockbroker or a doctor.
Remember to show any art work at any time, any place, you never know who will see it.
Don’t forget that it can also be very lonely in the studio on your own.
Make sure you get your self advertised for free in the yellow page under a free listing.
Remember to have fun with your art work. Humour is very important.
Even the stupid ideas can work. Such as martin creed who turns a light on and off.
Try you best to show your artwork abroad. It means you also get a holiday out of it.
Make sure you have a coffee maker to for coffee to keep you going in the studio.